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When it comes to falling in love, our minds are often clouded with blissful emotions and excitement. The early stages of a romantic relationship can be filled with intense passion and overwhelming affection. However, as two individuals with unique backgrounds, opinions, and personalities come together, disagreements are bound to arise. The question then arises: is it bad to argue when you first fall in love? While arguments may not be the ideal way to start a relationship, they can serve as important indicators of compatibility, growth, and communication in a couple. This introduction explores the reasons behind these arguments, the potential impacts they can have on the relationship, and whether they are detrimental or beneficial to the overall bond between two people experiencing the euphoria of new love. Understanding the dynamics of arguments during the early stages of a relationship can provide valuable insights into the foundation and long-term potential of the connection.
This article was co-written by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a love consultant, founder and executive coach of Dating Transformation, a relationship consulting firm he founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on the XRB Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expression. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmoppitan, The Oprah Magazine and Today.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
When it comes to relationships between couples, it’s surprising how common quarrels are. It’s rare for two people to always agree on everything, if not impossible. However, if you’ve only just started dating and already have an argument, you may feel it’s too early. This article will help you understand more about relationship conflicts. We’ve got some information about the time when serious disagreements start to surface (perhaps earlier than you think) as well as some advice on how to have a healthy argument. If you’re worried about conflict in your relationship, we also have a list of red flags to watch out for.
Steps
When do couples usually start arguing?

- If the other person’s bad habits are not too much, it is better to ignore and remember their good points. Remind yourself that you are not perfect yourself, and accept your partner as they are.
- If their wrongdoings are serious (refusing to commit or lying about big things). In this case, you need to talk to them in good faith to see if they have changed their behavior.
- You can say, “I understand you’re still friends with your ex, but I wish you were telling the truth every time you two met.”

- Be open and forthright about the boundaries and needs of your relationship, even if you’ve only been dating for a few months. The early stages of a relationship are a great opportunity to establish what works or doesn’t work for you.
- You could say, “I’m a little sensitive at times. It’s important to me that if there’s a disagreement, both of us don’t raise our voices or yell at each other.”
- If you wait too long to speak, the relationship is even more vulnerable to damage than an argument, as this can lead to resentment and misunderstanding.

- Maybe you realize you can’t listen to your partner when you’re angry, for example. Instead of blaming yourself, see this as an experience that helps you grow up and from now on you will learn to listen to your lover.
- Consider talking to your partner about your recent argument after you’ve both cooled down. You could say, “I’m sorry I was a bit harsh just now. Next time if we don’t agree on something, I’ll try to stay calm.”
How to argue in a healthy way?

- “I’m a bit upset that you didn’t invite me to go see that movie with you, but I understand that you need some alone time.”
- “I understand you get upset when I don’t reply to your texts. If it were me, I would feel the same way.”

- “I see. I should have tried to come up with more date ideas.”
- “I understand you’re upset that I spend so much time on the phone.”

- “I know you’re mad that I didn’t spend enough time with you. What can I do to make you happier now?”
- “There’s something I don’t understand. Did I say something to make you angry?”

- “I want to work this out with you, but I think I need to take a moment to calm down.”
- “I can’t express how I feel right now. I need a few minutes to think before we continue talking.”

- Maybe your partner likes to text every day, but you don’t like to spend a lot of time checking your phone, so the two of you can agree to text each other 1-2 times a day.
- Maybe you feel frustrated because you always have to pay when you two go out. The two of you should agree with each other from now on to share the payment or take turns to pay once each.

- “I’m sorry I forgot to pick you up from the company. I was so absent-minded today, but I can’t use that as an excuse. Next time I’ll definitely remember.”

- If you want to forgive your partner but find it difficult, try to see the problem from their point of view or remind yourself of a time when you also made a mistake. This will make it easier for you to forgive.
- You may decide that you cannot forgive your partner for what they did. In this case, it may be time to end the relationship. It’s going to be very painful for you, but remember that there are other people out there who will treat you more deservingly.
Warning signs to watch out for

- Maybe one of you wants a faithful relationship, but the other wants an open relationship. The conflict on this issue shows that the two sides do not have the same goals.
- There is also the possibility that you can bridge the difference with empathy and compromise. However, make sure that the two of you don’t overlook each other’s values or needs just to maintain the relationship.

- Maybe your partner wants to have children, but you don’t want to get married.
- Maybe later you want to move to another city, but your lover just wants to stay where he is.

- The decision to forgive or not is entirely up to you. Some couples get over their infidelity and their relationship is stronger than before.
- If you’ve forgiven the other person but this happens again, then maybe it’s time to break up with them.

- Insults you and makes you feel like you can’t do anything right
- Uncontrollably jealous or trying to isolate you from friends and family
- Lies, tricks, and mental manipulation
- Forcing you to have sex or do things you don’t want to
- Threatening or hurting you physically in any way
Advice
- If the two of you can’t seem to come to a solution but still want to be together, consider seeing a love, marriage, and family counselor. They can help you troubleshoot problems and provide effective communication tactics. [16] XResearch Source
This article was co-written by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a love consultant, founder and executive coach of Dating Transformation, a relationship consulting firm he founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on the XRB Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expression. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmoppitan, The Oprah Magazine and Today.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
When it comes to relationships between couples, it’s surprising how common quarrels are. It’s rare for two people to always agree on everything, if not impossible. However, if you’ve only just started dating and already have an argument, you may feel it’s too early. This article will help you understand more about relationship conflicts. We’ve got some information about the time when serious disagreements start to surface (perhaps earlier than you think) as well as some advice on how to have a healthy argument. If you’re worried about conflict in your relationship, we also have a list of red flags to watch out for.
In conclusion, engaging in arguments when first falling in love can have both positive and negative effects on a relationship. While arguments allow individuals to express their individuality, establish boundaries, and resolve conflicts, they can also create unnecessary stress, hurt feelings, and a potential deterioration of trust. It is important for couples to approach arguments with empathy, respect, and a willingness to understand one another’s perspectives. Open and honest communication, along with a commitment to compromise and finding common ground, can help navigate arguments in a constructive and positive manner, strengthening the foundation of love and intimacy. Ultimately, whether arguing in the early stages of love is “bad” or not depends on how both partners handle and resolve conflicts, as it can either help in establishing a healthy relationship or lead to its downfall.
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